Once when I was little...

It is hard to say what my testimony is, as I don't have one pivotal point in my faith, but rather God has been challenging, uprooting, refining, and reshaping me throughout the narrative of my life. Each of these moments require a mess of explanation and background information. As well, these moments are quite personal to me and I don't feel I could express them appropriately on blog. Perhaps if we find ourselves stuck waiting for a storm to pass and have nothing to do but kill time, we can bring it up then. :P However, right now I'll share about something that shaped my faith from the beginning.

I don't know how much you remember from my dad's sermon a couple weeks back, or if you were even there that Sunday, but he shared about my family's financial troubles. The time when this was the worst was when I was in elementary school. The jist of the story is that when we were in the deepest hole that we had ever been with no more options, God not only answered our prayers in the nick of time, but provided extra to show his amazing grace and love.

When we were struggling, it was not a brief period but a drawn out string of years. Debt grew upon debt, and the situation further intensified. I'm not by any means saying my sisters and I grew up in poverty or anything, but it really did strain the experience of growing up a lot; at a young age, you are made aware of social inequality; your friends ask why you can't do certain things with them, you can't afford to take lessons, your parents say we can't afford to go out to eat, your father comes home each evening on the brink of breaking down not knowing if his pay cheque would stretch to the next month, you barely see your parents because they are both working full time trying to make ends meet, and stress and tension are always high at home. My parents never tried to shelter my sisters and I, but always believed in being honest with us. Even though I was quite young at the time, I still understood the gravity of the situation. Not only are you out of physical resources, but along with this comes a lot of embarrassment and shame; it feels like you are living two identities, and are always trying to hide something from the world, and are constantly reminded of what you cannot afford to have or do. Family/home life were as well often dictated by this burden constantly hanging over us which led to a whole host of other problems (That is a whole other essay in itself :P).

But enough grimness. Let's get back to the good part--> God saved the day :D. I still remember that night so clearly when my father announced to the family that he had just received a cheque in the mail (his best friend had past away and had earlier unofficially had asked his brother to set some money aside for my father); that was my first experience of true brokenness. The family was in tears and praising God with nothing holding them back. The room was filled with a joy and profound thankfulness that cannot be put into words.

Things are much better now, and no I'm not saying everything was happy and perfect after that, but I am saying that I am really thankful for that whole experience. Firstly, it really shaped my character. Yes having things is nice, and having the freedom to do things is nice, but the experience made me realize how unreliable money is and made me see what was important at an early age (the Lord and the people you love). I'm not saying I don't treat myself to things now and then, but I don't place a huge importance on material things (haha-my sister knows I've never cared to marry a rich man). As well, as things were never handed to me, I learned to work hard and value the things that are provided for me. I could go on and on about the things learned, but the most important thing I experienced was the power/goodness/grace/love/care/foresight/provision/almightiness of the Lord. He didn't have to dig us out of our hole, but he chose to. Like the story my father mentioned in the sermon about the widow and the jars of oil, God wants us to be obedient and trust him; even though he could miraculously wipe our problems away, so much more comes from the struggle and having faith/relying on Him completely. When I praise the Lord it comes from a deeper place. Rather than merely knowing what God is capable of, I've felt it in my core. I thank Him that he allowed me to see such a real side of Him.

So, that was the brief version of the story, and a quick peek into God's work in my life. I'm sure some of you can relate, and hope maybe some can find encouragement in it.