Resentment, Responsibility and Reminders

So, I’m not fancy like the rest of you techies - you'll find no cute titles nor comical pictures here. However, you may get a glimpse into the cognizance that is myself (I purposely worded that as such so Helen would roll her eyes), and I cannot promise encouragement - but I’ll do my best :)

My testimony is not that of one who grew up in church, but it is about a journey growing up nonetheless. I went to church for Christmas and Easter, but not much beyond that. My mom was brought up catholic, so naturally I have never been encouraged to attend a mass in my life. So, I was exposed to some of the teachings of Christianity, but nothing that I really sank my teeth in to.

I started going to church (age 19) in an effort in impress some people whom I wanted to impress, but that didn't last long and I soon found myself without that external motivation. I had just gotten out of a relationship and had fallen into quite the depression, I failed 3 courses at SFU (something not quite in-line with my other grades), I got diagnosed with a potentially malignant tumour in my neck, and my boss wasn't overly impressed with my demeanour while working in the hospitality industry (he later got fired for drug use though).

I had decided to continue going to church in order to learn, not to be converted, just learn about cultures and ideas (my main passion in life is learning). But after all the downs I went through, I gave up on trying to cope myself and turned to God (I figured I had continued going to church for a reason after all). I put my faith in him (thanks in large part to Alpha), and committed to live my life accordingly to the best of my abilities - I obviously failed miserably but I think he got the message. I got baptised at the end of 2007 (age 21) and then there was a time when I was super excited for the Lord...

That’s my testimony in a nutshell, but as you might have figured out it isn't well connected to the title of my post. So here's the connection - where I am now. There was a time when I was super excited to serve, the joy of being in a church body of those who cared for me was wonderful, but lately I’ve been losing the spark. I've started to find a lot of the "Christian stuff" bothersome, which is where the resentment comes from - I’m sure we all get there at some point (maybe I called it too harsh). Of course, I also remember my responsibilities and commitments to serve (not just in the short term, but in the long term - my baptism constantly acts as a pillar for my commitment to serve the Lord, and I cannot say how many times looking back to that event has reaffirmed what I’m doing). And then the reminders, those are the best, they come in many forms. Sometimes it's just looking back to when I was younger in my faith and having that overwhelming joy (of course, I don't think we can really rely on emotions to support our faith). Other times reminders come in the form of a bible study where a new awe is struck for God's grace, or from learning about others' walks and the struggles they've survived.

All and all, I’m moving along. God is faithful and he will continue to provide reminders, reassure my responsibilities and commitments, and, in time, curb any feelings of resentment. I have faith! Amen!