Uneasy Reflections

I've come to realize that if a person feels on the negative side of the spectrum at the point in there lives, there's always a reaction following. Whether if that reaction is some positive building blocks to pick you up, or just plain ignorance that leads to unproductive thoughts and activities, it's always interesting to see the outcome and how that person will fair. I am fortunate enough to see such an event unfold and it is also unfortunate to realize it is as a matter of fact myself i am witnessing on such an uneasy journey.

Have you ever see yourself in a third person view? Pfftt...of course not. Is that even possible? Well maybe if you record yourself on video and post it on youtube then maybe you can consider that possible. But even so, you're not going to post something unflattering about yourself for the whole world to see. That would just be "unhealthy". But if you could, wouldn't it be something to see? You're whole day played out by you and you're watching every single event happen. You laugh at some scenes, you cringe at some scenes and you make mental comments of what you did. At the end of the show you see yourself going to bed and the screen fades dark and you have a moment to reflect on what you saw. Thumbs up? Thumbs down? It's tough to say. Was there something you wished you did differently? I'm sure some of us has stared up at our bedroom ceiling and let our thoughts go wild. It's an uneasy reflection for me.

What am I trying to say about myself? Well let me give you an example. You get home from a hard day of work/school and you're chilled to the bone from this lovely Vancouver weather. You don't want anymore annoyance from family and you head to the bathroom looking forward to a relaxing hot shower. Only to find you're standing in it with the hot water turned to max and it's only lukewarm. Bah...what do you do? It's not hot enough to enjoy it but it's still just a little warmer than the rest of the bathroom. You're basically stuck for a while until you muster the nerve to face the chilly bathroom again. Stuck on life, stuck at home, stuck in the same spot with God. I've been watching myself being stuck ever since I came back from university. I don't want to sell myself short. I've got a decent job, a home to come back to, a supportive church body and a healthy body *knock on wood*. But as someone looking around and seeing other people change their lives so fast makes me look at myself in third person over and over and saying to myself "Hey, is there something holding me back?" Parents don't help either not letting me live as an adult. Well, not supporting me as much as I hoped anyways. They mean well I know but they still treat you as a kid and it has become a lot of heating topics around the house as of late. The only thing I'm grateful of is God's grace and patience he has put into me cause like me he's looking at me in a third person view and he's seeing what I'm stuggling with as with all of us.

The "1/4 century hump" I call this, if such a thing exist. Midlife crisis? Hmm...not there yet but a precursor probably. God is the writer of this story and he likes to make it a best seller. How about yours? I would like see your stories too for those who are to post next. For now I'll just be watching my own. Hope the climax is coming soon lol.

Ahem...I guess questions now as per requested from Calvin.

1. Where are you in your walk?
2. Do you criticize yourself too much?
3. Do you like your "story" so far.

Oh if anyone is worried I'm doing okay. It's a little depressing blog but we all go through this

Ian